Yesterday, a DVD arrived from Amazon – Disc 24 of Gilmore Girls, which you ordered a long time ago because it was faulty. This was one of the two shows, that we always enjoyed watching together. I remember putting it on the DVD player, one night at 5 a.m., when you couldn’t sleep.

Today I saw a big teddy bear holding a heart that says “You’re Special”. It was exactly the same one as two weeks ago – the one which you looked at for a while, and smiled.

I chanced upon a Travel Scrabble set at Borders, and recalled you proudly telling me upon returning home of the words you made and how the others who played with you didn’t know how to play it. You were always the wordsmith and your mind was still sharp, even then. It wasn’t that long ago.

At the basement of Junction 8, we walked past your favourite Yammi Yoghurt stall. We saw the kong-bak pao that you always asked for.

I always say “I’m okay” or “We’re coping”, because what else can I say?

The past two days, I’ve avoided Christmas service, for the first time ever since I’ve become a Christian because I don’t think my heart could take an “accept Christ and blessings will follow you” message.

It’s not that I no longer believe, it’s just that the conviction has weakened. Lord, help me.


Thanksgiving Cell Group

Thanksgiving cell group today differed slightly from last year’s. I remember last year’s cell where KT personally thanked each member and encouraged all of us for the year ahead. This year he continued to appreciate all the members, but he gave everyone the opportunity to say something to the cell group as well.

He ‘arrowed’ me first to share, but I needed time to process, so the others took turns to share first. I pondered, thinking about what I was most thankful for from this cell group.

I am thankful for:

  • The friendships: I’ve made a concerted effort to try to spend more time in fellowship after service. There’s much room for improvement, but I really hope to build on this.

ChangiSailingClubLou Hei at one of our usual fellowship spots – Changi Sailing Club

  • All the prayers offered
  • SMSes of encouragement. So many SMSes were sent to me to assure me, and encourage me when I was particularly down a few weeks ago. It really isn’t the content of the SMS that matters. There really isn’t a right thing to say. The very fact that an SMS is sent, indicates care, support and concern.
  • Fun cell group meetings which never fail to bring a smile to my face. Cell group games have really gone from glory to glory and there are times when we are literally laughing until we have stomachaches. There were games which really challenged our Bible knowledge too.

CGGameA game which require quick thinking and coordination with ropes

  • KT’s delivery of the Word and imparting of his experiences. CG is always a time of great impartation not just of the Word, but just learning from KT and his experiences in school, in ministry. Many principles have been imparted to me, simply thru his sharing.
  • The great hospitality of my CG in making friends like Wai Kit and Jun Ze feel so welcome. More importantly, for making Jasmine feel like a part of the cell too.

HendersonwavesCell group keeping fit at HortPark 

However, above and beyond all these things, I realised that what I was most thankful for in this cell group is the opportunity to serve.

This year, I started sharing offering messages which required me to dig deep into the Word at times, to ponder over God’s word to find a message that I could personally resonate with, to find and build faith when I myself was struggling to find faith.

I had the opportunity to serve Mike and his family, fetching them for fellowship sessions and then for his baptism service, buying lunch for them. It was a real joy to see a member in my connect group take that step of faith.

I had the opportunity last week to be one of the Emcees for our combined cell group thanksgiving and outreach event. On a day where my family situation made me down, the need to energize myself and be cheerful as an Emcee really helped me to draw on the joy of the Lord. Seeing the people smile and enthusiastic really brought joy to my heart, distracting me from whatever was happening in my own life.

It has not been an easy year at all, but the cell has kept me afloat amidst the storm.

FISHThanksgiving FISH Thanksgiving

Thank you N382 for making this year special for me and those who are dear to me.

Filling an Empty Faith-Tank

Just last week, I went to KT’s house for a leaders meeting where he spoke to us about being serious with our connect groups and our walk with God. As I left, his wife stopped me and shared with me great testimonies of her own healing, but more importantly, she shared with me a spiritual principle that I have been trying to apply in my current situation.

All she said was something simple, as she passed me Dr. Yonggi Cho’s book, “I hope that you will be able to find the faith so that you can impart faith to your sister for her healing.”

It was a simple statement, but it really struck me.

Many times, we give Bible promises to those in need in an attempt to impart faith to them through their situations.

If we have been through those situations before, the faith we impart comes from our own experiences with God, our own life stories which show how real God is and can be.

What if we have never encountered those experiences for ourselves?

What if we are put in a situation where we have to impart faith to a person, for example – for healing, but we ourselves have never experienced God’s healing? Or if we are to impart faith to a person for financial blessing, but we ourselves have not experienced that kind of abundance?

In such circumstances, we therefore need to build faith – and that buliding of faith comes from the Word of God, but sometimes, reading some Christian books helps you also to download that faith from someone, before you impart it to another.

Over the past few months, I’ve repeated Bible promises to my sister so often that I myself have run dry of the faith to believe. The word is confessed, but it seems to drop to the ground because it is not accompanied by genuine faith.

It just came upon me then that I needed to build up my faith in healing and that was when I started picking up Lilian B. Yeoman’s His Healing Power.


What a powerful book this is!  

I have been reading this book out loud to my sister, by her bedside and the more I read it, the more faith arises in my heart, to believe that God’s healing power is indeed real.

I feel faith arising in my heart, to truly believe indeed that I will see miracles in my family and really, I wonder, what choice do I have right now, but to simply continue believing?

Here and Now

Here and now, here in this moment
Here and now I turn to You
All that my searching heart has longed for can be found
‘Cause You’re in this moment, here and now

What majesty, what mystery,
The God of all eternity
Stepped into time and gave His life for me
Your hand is seen in galaxies,
Yet Your Spirit dwells in me
So vast and yet You’re still within our reach

There is nowhere You can’t be found
Nothing on earth could ever keep Your Presence out

Here and now, here in this moment
Here and now I turn to You
All that my searching heart has longed for can be found
‘Cause You’re in this moment, here and now
You’re in this moment here and now

This is the song of the season, Paul Baloche’s Here and Now. The best arrangement I have found of it is here.

I first heard it at Wai Leung’s baptism service. Ever since, this song is always the first I turn to. It is a song of simply seeking God and His presence – it contains no promise of victory, it doesn’t call for us to give Him our all or to take all of us. What it simply requires is a simple desire to dwell in His presence and be assured that He is in this moment, here and now.

I’ve come to learn sometimes, that should be all I look for and be assured of. In spite of the circumstances, just the assurance that God is in this moment – here and now – is good enough. He is in my moments of laughter, my moments of pain, my moments with my family, my moments alone.