Yesterday, a DVD arrived from Amazon – Disc 24 of Gilmore Girls, which you ordered a long time ago because it was faulty. This was one of the two shows, that we always enjoyed watching together. I remember putting it on the DVD player, one night at 5 a.m., when you couldn’t sleep.
Today I saw a big teddy bear holding a heart that says “You’re Special”. It was exactly the same one as two weeks ago – the one which you looked at for a while, and smiled.
I chanced upon a Travel Scrabble set at Borders, and recalled you proudly telling me upon returning home of the words you made and how the others who played with you didn’t know how to play it. You were always the wordsmith and your mind was still sharp, even then. It wasn’t that long ago.
At the basement of Junction 8, we walked past your favourite Yammi Yoghurt stall. We saw the kong-bak pao that you always asked for.
I always say “I’m okay” or “We’re coping”, because what else can I say?
The past two days, I’ve avoided Christmas service, for the first time ever since I’ve become a Christian because I don’t think my heart could take an “accept Christ and blessings will follow you” message.
It’s not that I no longer believe, it’s just that the conviction has weakened. Lord, help me.