Every once in a while, when I’m feeling dry or too tired to pick up my Bible, I will rely on a devotional to sustain me. The devotional that always never fails to speak to me is Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost for His Highest.
The struggles in my faith over the past two months have been tremendous. Unanswered prayers – Unfulfilled desires – Unexpected circumstances.
Yesterday’s devotional turned my eyes away from all I was looking at and focused my attention on what I should always be looking at – Jesus Himself.
We think we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life.
Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life – gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life… This is generally expressed with a sign of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises… When we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy…
Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in – but you can be certain He will come. Remain faithful to Him.
I entered into this phase with many expectations. I entered into this year with many expectations too. Many things out of the expected have happened.
Remain faithful to Him.
Easy to say – but how can it be done?
It really comes down to the matter of the heart – that relationship that I have to maintain with Him – connecting and believing and pleasing Him through that continual faith that I have in Him, not just in His promises. It really boils down to a deeper level of faith in a person, not just in what a person says.
I put my faith in Him today and indeed I experienced that life of “joyful uncertainty”.
I taught two classes today. In both classes, God did things beyond what I expected or what I had planned. An unexpected conversation which showed me that God was in control happened in the first. In the second class, a brilliant idea dropped into my mind just as I was teaching and that turned the whole atmosphere of the class from lethargy to participation and engagement.
A conversation in the photocopying room lifted my mood. A standardisation meeting became a delightful exchange of ideas and mutual affirmation of our students’ capabilities and occasional silliness.
Coming back home, there was a sense of hope. Conversations were more animated. Laughter was heard. Concerns were shared.
I wish I had that kind of faith, to truly leave everything to Him. It doesn’t mean I don’t plan, but I live with that heart of absolute abandonment – knowing that regardless of how much I plan and anticipate, what matters most is my relationship with Him and how open I am to that life of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.
I shall – Remain faithful to Him.